When you can’t laugh, help others to try and laugh…

Well, the last week has had its ups and downs for this young blogger. I had an interview for a hotel job, I set up another two interviews for this week, I put in three more applications, and I got a new pair of shoes. I saw a funk band play at a farmers market and I met two people interested in some similar things. It was overall a decent week. All of that, however, and I am still unemployed, and not laughing too much about it. The hotel, never returned my call, the interview I was supposed to have today, got pushed back to tomorrow, and the shoes I got, the shoes that I biked nearly 8 miles to exhchange with my other shoes, are really, really uncomfortable. I found that out after walking a mile to apply for a job at a place that told me I should just apply online. Did I mention that one bike broke and the other one is about to do something. I am down to like $20 and nearly no food.

When I got back here, I was feeling so ridiculous about all of this that I had to try and laugh a bit. Oh yeah, did I mention that while running an errand for my buddy that I am house-sitting for, I got caught in a rainstorm on a bike on my way home and was drenched beyond description. Still laughing..

So I decided to turn it around, at least somewhat, by trying to laugh. I found a few joke sites and have made it, my DOODy, to take my favorite jokes that I find today, and blog them, right here, for your viewing and humor pleasures. Do what you want with them. I gots no copyrights for them as they were plucked from other people’s blogs or sites, I don’t think they care neither.

What I am gonna do is post this blog, naked, without any jokes… and as I find them, I will share them… and only the one’s that got me to at least chuckle a little. Feel free to add your comments or jokes for that matter if you think it will make someone else, who is feelin like dung today, laugh till their tits hurt. ( @) ( @ )

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3:38 p.m.

joke 1:

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager “How much is that new Barbie in the window?”

The Manager replied, “Which one? We have, ‘Barbie goes to the gym’for $19.95 …

‘Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19.95 …

‘Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 …

‘Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19.95…

‘Barbie goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95 …

and ‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00.”

“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?” Dad asked surprised.

“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.

from www.cleanjoke.com

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4:27 p.m.

not the funniest, but I found it clever…here’s some more

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

How do you piss off a female archeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from

Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?
He wanted to go where no man had ever gone before

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?
The captain’s log

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ok, its now 7:32

I watched a movie for a bit and then searched more joke sites. It is amazing to me what some people find funny these days…

anyway, came across this one. Not ha ha hilarious, but I enjoyed it a bit:

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Bow-wow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, “Potatoes”.

People Watching… Part 1

Last night, I took the doggie out for a walk. We ended up on the main road here in town where there is a bit of commerce in the form of restaurants and small shops. At this time of night, namely after 11 p.m., most things are closed. There is an all night chain pharmacy and a pizzeria, which are not near each other, and then down the street in either direction, there are a series of pubs, which I imagine are known for their beer selections. None the less it is generally quiet around this time.

However, consistently, every time I am in that area around that time, there are a few packs of obviously intoxicated people, trekking their way back to wherever it is they are going, from wherever it is that had just come from. This night was no exception, except the humorous packs this time were in most cases, individuals.

The doggie and I found a bench which is nestled between a bank and that pharmacy. It is under a tree and it was breezy last night, so it was perfect for just chillin. After about two minutes, this amazingly skinny, middle-aged white man comes stumbling down the street. At first I thought there was something physically challenged about him with the way he was all over the place, but then he made this face towards the air with some mumbled words, that allowed me to question his mental position at that moment. He tripped a bit and made some gesture with his hand as to question himself as to how he could be so clumsy as to trip over his own self. He started mumbling something in disbelief and then stopped at a street pole just a few feet away.

He placed one hand on the pole and the other forearm over and across his forehead. It was there that he stayed for about ten minutes. Eventually he removed himself from the pole, and tripped and started to drift away. Shortly thereafter, his replacement showed up.

This guy was a bit stocky, a bit younger, maybe early thirties, a t shirt and shorts, with tats all over his legs. He wore a baseball cap of some sort and seemed kind of like a tough punk type cat. He was intelligent looking with glasses and was having a rather upsetting conversation with himself as he too mumbled something in disgust and made some hand gesture to confirm his disbelief.

Now I have become someone who has started to make conversation with himself from time to time, and occasionally, I have some harsh words towards my inner self in the process in an outward form of expression; but I started to worry last night if I too looked like one of these folks when on occasion I spout something out in disgust towards some inner thought or conversation I may have been engaged in. Where it made me self-concious for a minute, It also made me feel comfortable in the fact that other people do that, even if they look the fool. There is comfort in similarity!

Anyway, the next few minutes featured groups of intoxicated people laughing and shouting whatever it is they were shouting about. Several groups were speaking in languages unfamiliar to my dialect. Others were obviously young college kids, inexperienced in drunk noise level control. I had two thoughts when watching the drunk college kids. “what a bunch of losers…” and “oh how I miss those days!” But in hindsight, I’m thinkin, who’s the real loser in that crowd, the drunks having a good time and making a little bit of fools of themselves, or the early thirties college dropout sitting on a bench with his dog nearing midnight on a Friday night watching a bunch of people have a good time and not caring about what they may look like? Perhaps we were all losers at that moment in time. Once again, perhaps comfort in similarity…

The next phase of people were random and featured a guy on his cell phone, a couple of fairly attractive young women getting in to a cab, and a Chinese man, lugging cases of soda on a hand truck up the street and then returning a few moments later with a hand truck and empty soda crates.

After some time, I felt it getting time to return. The doggie agreed. We got up and walked to one corner, where surprisingly enough, the ta-too punk guy was hailing a cab, and still looked frustrated. He hailed a cab which made a quick u turn and picked him up. We made a u-turn and headed back to the house.

Feeling good about our people watching experience, and our escape to the outside for a little while, we turned the corner and headed towards the house. Curiosity got the better of the doggie however, when she sniffed in a fence, and got maced by a skunk (see previous post.) On the way back, she frothed at the mouth and was swaying and kind of freakin out. She tugged and pulled towards the house, while I spoke with her to comfort her much of the way. I can only imagine the people watcher’s thoughts on this street noticing the loner and his frothing dog sprinting towards their destination. The watcher becomes the watched.

SELF-DIAGNOSIS: Vitamin B-12 deficiency + caffeine withdrawal = vegan fun

So I was gonna go out tonight to see a free concert. In fact there were two free shows going on. One was classical music, and the other was world music. Both seemed like decent, free, outdoor events to venture out to during a time when my finances are very tight and my mind is in need of a diversion from reality.

Problem is, that to get to both of these events, requires a great deal of biking… several miles. I normally don’t mind biking, but if you had read my previous post you would know that one of the bikes I am using, broke yesterday after an extremely long and exhausting bike ride that was somewhat rewarding, yet quite disappointing overall. I enjoy biking, but I have been doing so much of it lately, that to do it tonight for recreation, and to take a chance that my other bike would fall out of wack as well, just doesn’t seem to be the proper choice, especially since I am going to need a bike once I locate work. .

so instead of going out, I am gonna stay in and write what is on my mind.

Vitamin b12… that’s right. I have been a vegetarian for over ten years now, but over the last couple of years, I have made several attempts at this vegan thing, and it has failed ALL times. Being a lover of cheese, and being a lover of knowledge, I have found out that many if not most cheese contains some sort of non-vegetarian animal product and the labeling can often be so vague as to cause a confused mind like myself to really question the very essence of something so simple like cheese.

So when I moved to this area for the summer, the first thing I had was a cheese pizza… the next day I decided to try the vegan thing out, and I have had really poor results. Since I bike so much, I burn off more calories, and therefore I assume that I burn off more nutrients as well, especially those stored away from when I ate cheese as much as a squirrel eats nuts. So over the past week, I have become less energetic, my mind has become distraught with anxiety (which is odd because I am a very easy going, everything is gonna be alright kind of guy,) and I have had tingling and numbness in my body.

I began to research this whole thing and all roads lead to a Vitamin b12 deficiency. I have never been a fan of supplements and as a part-time skeptic about reports, I have never really taken the word of these ‘experts’ very seriously. However, all of the symptoms I have resemble those described in the reports; the dizziness, the numbness and tingles, the loss of weight, the feeling tired, and anxiety. All of those symptoms exist, and all of those match what the ‘experts’ call a vitamin b-12 deficiency. All of the symptoms match except the swollen tounge thing and the appetite thing. All of those reports claim that your appetite decrease as a result of a b12 deficiency, but in my case, I am simply hungry ALL OF THE TIME. Now when I say all of the time, I mean nearly ALL OF THE TIME. So then I started to think that maybe perhaps its not the b12 that’s causing these symptoms. MAYBE THESE SO-CALLED ‘EXPERTS’ HAVE IT WRONG?

Today, I bought a carton of organic milk and some fortified cereals to test out their theory. I ate the shit out of them and combined it with ample amounts of fruit and nuts. I felt pretty fulfilled and mentally, I felt better about things (even if it was just a result of being proud of myself for taking the step.) I matched what was recommended for an intake of b12, and several other vitamins. Unfortunately for me, however, the symptoms didn’t just disappear. I was extremely tired afterwards and fought the urge to sleep. Eventually the nap took over my world, and when I awoke 20 minutes later, I felt anxious and nervous again as if nothing had changed.

Yes I know its not just gonna disappear, and yes I am aware that I didn’t really get enough of this b12 to make such a quick change, but it was a discouraging moment. Normally I would just brush it off and say, “well it just takes time, ” but because of these symptoms, it seems more difficult to do this. On top of my vegan participation, I have given up on many other things going into my internals. Namely coffee and caffeinated tea along with any intoxicants that might have occasionally altered my senses. Now this could also be affecting my world and may be causing my virtually non-stop craving for food. That is why I have a new theory about my conditions…

It seems that all signs lead to a b12 deficiency, as much of a skeptic as I am, this many web reports that I have researched can’t be so far off-base, can they? In addition to my b12 symptoms, there seems to be a withdrawal from the lack of caffeine from coffee and tea, and perhaps a withdrawal from the nicotene that resided in my occasional bundle of cigars. On top of that, there may be a small withdrawal from the other sources of things that have stopped going in my world(from when I partied a bit.) It seems to me that my body is trying to compromise for the lack of stimulants by having me eat as much as possible… a scenario I have also read about on the interweb.

So you have the b12 causing tingling and numbness, fatigue, and anxiety. Then you have the combined withdrawals from the lack of stimulants causing me to crave food as a substitute for caffeine and sugar and ‘other’ things. A deficiency and a withdrawal simultaneously is not a comfortable feeling. Add on top of that a desire to work with no results, and a craving to constantly eat with no money, AND YOU HAVE ONE STRANGE SITUATION. This is my self-diagnosis. Its no wonder, that I am here, tonight, writing on this computer instead of biking miles to enjoy a free concert.

SELF DIAGNOSIS: B12 DEFICIENCY, CAFFEINE WITHDRAWAL, AND WITHDRAWALS FROM THOSE GOOD TIMES.

PERSONAL SOLUTION: EAT PROPERLY, ADD MORE FRUIT TO MEALS, DON’T SLEEP RIGHT AFTER EATING.

ALTERNATE/TEMP SOLUTION: TRY TO LAUGH AND WRITE IN A BLOG!!!

HERE IS A list of some websites that have provided me with some of the info that allowed me to self-diagnose what I have. Whereas I am not suggesting that anyone follow the solutions suggested at these sites, I am passing along information that I found interesting. Do with it what you like, I am not a doctor, I am merely a bored blogger who is sharing info that helped me to possibly understand what is going on with my system.

vitamin b12 link 1

vitamin b12 link 2

vitamin b12/vegan link 3

If you read this and have other suggested websites or articles, please let me know. If there are additional comments you’d like to make about my own personal diagnosis or if you want to share a similar situation, please post a comment or email me.

** <side> note– I believe that it is not the vegan diet that has caused my symptoms, but my lack of following the guidelines for becoming vegan. Besides my poor attempts at eating vegan properly, I have not eaten well over the last few months, I was doing outdoor labor in the hot sun for a couple of years, and I bike as transportation. I HAD NO REAL ISSUES WITH BEING A VEGETARIAN UNTIL I GAVE UP CHEESE, STARTED DRINKING COFFEE AND TEA AND SOY MILK more frequently, AND BEGAN TO BIKE MORE THAN EVER. THIS I BLAME FOR MY health PROBLEMS, NOT THE VEGAN EATING.

Just when is the ‘official’ start of the next day?

Tomorrow. What does this word mean? Sure, there’s a definition and an origin, but that’s not what we are here to discuss. What we are looking for here is an answer to the question of when the next day actually begins

Some say midnight, others say 7 a.m. and many say its when you wake up after a sleep, but what truly defines tomorrow.

Let me give you an example of the confusion. Let’s say I have been up till 5 a.m., partying, writing, watching infomercials… whatever it is I have been doing, I am still up at 5 a.m. doing it. Now technically it is after midnight and therefore by definition, it is already the next day ( I mean the time machine inside this computer already has changed the date.) But at midnight, it doesn’t necessarily feel like the next day, unless of course its new year’s eve 1999 and it feels like the next millenia. But the clock reads Jan.1 2000 so technically, it is tomorrow.

But I continue to stay up until 5 a.m. When I awake once again at 11, I begin my routine for the next day and it is therefore at that moment that I can say for myself it is tomorrow. But the dilema worsens when I stay up until 11 and begin my day without ever going to sleep. Now of course by definition, it was already tomorrow at midnight, but using the “it is a new day after you wake up theory,” then tomorrow is still today… but since the date has changed in the computer, then technically this tomorrow is actually still yesterday, right? Do you follow me with this?

Many people would say that the next day begins with a new sunrise, but what if the sun rises around 8:30 somewhere, and you are already well slept, and awake by 6 a.m. For you, the past day is already behind you, and you have begun your next day even before there is light to illuminate your day… but is that tomorrow?

I raise this question, today, as I have gotten into the habbit of defining the next day as 7 a.m. I am not sure how this got started, but I think I can refer to the film GROUNDHOGS DAY starring Bill Murray and Andy McDowell when everyday in Bill Murray’s world, when the clock reached 7 a.m., he would wake up in the same day he just fell asleep on. But the one time he moved forward into the next day, was when he stayed up past that 7 a.m. time.

But today, I awoke just before 6 a.m. and created this blog. Now by my standards that I have grown accustomed to, it hasn’t even become the next day yet… it is still yesterday because its before 7 a.m., but I have already slept and its past the sunrise so last night has come and gone. Man am I confused. Its like PURGATORY FOR TIME.

Perhaps tomorrow, I will have a better understanding of today, or maybe later today, I ill better understand tomorrow. Either way, enjoy your tomorrow today!