People Watching… Part 1

Last night, I took the doggie out for a walk. We ended up on the main road here in town where there is a bit of commerce in the form of restaurants and small shops. At this time of night, namely after 11 p.m., most things are closed. There is an all night chain pharmacy and a pizzeria, which are not near each other, and then down the street in either direction, there are a series of pubs, which I imagine are known for their beer selections. None the less it is generally quiet around this time.

However, consistently, every time I am in that area around that time, there are a few packs of obviously intoxicated people, trekking their way back to wherever it is they are going, from wherever it is that had just come from. This night was no exception, except the humorous packs this time were in most cases, individuals.

The doggie and I found a bench which is nestled between a bank and that pharmacy. It is under a tree and it was breezy last night, so it was perfect for just chillin. After about two minutes, this amazingly skinny, middle-aged white man comes stumbling down the street. At first I thought there was something physically challenged about him with the way he was all over the place, but then he made this face towards the air with some mumbled words, that allowed me to question his mental position at that moment. He tripped a bit and made some gesture with his hand as to question himself as to how he could be so clumsy as to trip over his own self. He started mumbling something in disbelief and then stopped at a street pole just a few feet away.

He placed one hand on the pole and the other forearm over and across his forehead. It was there that he stayed for about ten minutes. Eventually he removed himself from the pole, and tripped and started to drift away. Shortly thereafter, his replacement showed up.

This guy was a bit stocky, a bit younger, maybe early thirties, a t shirt and shorts, with tats all over his legs. He wore a baseball cap of some sort and seemed kind of like a tough punk type cat. He was intelligent looking with glasses and was having a rather upsetting conversation with himself as he too mumbled something in disgust and made some hand gesture to confirm his disbelief.

Now I have become someone who has started to make conversation with himself from time to time, and occasionally, I have some harsh words towards my inner self in the process in an outward form of expression; but I started to worry last night if I too looked like one of these folks when on occasion I spout something out in disgust towards some inner thought or conversation I may have been engaged in. Where it made me self-concious for a minute, It also made me feel comfortable in the fact that other people do that, even if they look the fool. There is comfort in similarity!

Anyway, the next few minutes featured groups of intoxicated people laughing and shouting whatever it is they were shouting about. Several groups were speaking in languages unfamiliar to my dialect. Others were obviously young college kids, inexperienced in drunk noise level control. I had two thoughts when watching the drunk college kids. “what a bunch of losers…” and “oh how I miss those days!” But in hindsight, I’m thinkin, who’s the real loser in that crowd, the drunks having a good time and making a little bit of fools of themselves, or the early thirties college dropout sitting on a bench with his dog nearing midnight on a Friday night watching a bunch of people have a good time and not caring about what they may look like? Perhaps we were all losers at that moment in time. Once again, perhaps comfort in similarity…

The next phase of people were random and featured a guy on his cell phone, a couple of fairly attractive young women getting in to a cab, and a Chinese man, lugging cases of soda on a hand truck up the street and then returning a few moments later with a hand truck and empty soda crates.

After some time, I felt it getting time to return. The doggie agreed. We got up and walked to one corner, where surprisingly enough, the ta-too punk guy was hailing a cab, and still looked frustrated. He hailed a cab which made a quick u turn and picked him up. We made a u-turn and headed back to the house.

Feeling good about our people watching experience, and our escape to the outside for a little while, we turned the corner and headed towards the house. Curiosity got the better of the doggie however, when she sniffed in a fence, and got maced by a skunk (see previous post.) On the way back, she frothed at the mouth and was swaying and kind of freakin out. She tugged and pulled towards the house, while I spoke with her to comfort her much of the way. I can only imagine the people watcher’s thoughts on this street noticing the loner and his frothing dog sprinting towards their destination. The watcher becomes the watched.

Night Owl gets the Early Bird…

Awaking early versus late has a significant impact on one’s day. I was just staring at someone’s home page on their blog and it offered a nice scenic glimpse of a bridge goin over a river in what looks like a park with grass and trees. The area is engulfed in a thick, yet not too thick you can’t see, fog. Its beautiful and its generally something you can only witness early in the day.

As I looked at the photo at this website, I wondered what it must be like for birds who are required according to human work definition to get up early and “get the worm.” (do birds in Mexico arise early to get the worm from tequila bottles…?) I wondered if birds realized the significance in the difference between that part of the day and let’s say a few hours later. I feel that they must awake early because nature directs them to, but if they had the choice like some lazy humans do, to arise later than expected and catch a different part of the day first, would they realize at some point, the beauty they have been missing as I did today?

www.annapodris.com

I have for the most part been a night owl, preferring late night hours versus arising at 6 a.m. only to have coffee and venture to a 9-5. I have worked overnight hours several times and have found my work to be more productive… and when I went to school, I always arose late for class… and when I went to class in college, I always performed better in later classes than those 7 a.m. lectures.

Night hours have always seemed special to me and more fitting. Maybe its because there’s less activity going on. Or maybe cause there’s less people around. Or maybe because its less sunny and therefore generally cooler than the daytime heat. Or maybe it has to do with energy and that there’s less chaotic energy in the air to disrupt my overly sensitive senses.

But lately, being unemployed, I find myself awaking around 7 and going to bed around 11. Its a weird sensation waking up early and I have grown to like it. I feel like I am more part of the real world, even though I am not working. I feel as if I am doing what is correct by nature. And when I do get up early, I go outside with the doggie and admire the way the day is at that time. If I was still enjoying cigars and coffee, you can be sure I would have one or both of those things during these moments. The weird thing is that I am not even tired anymore at 7.am. I do get tired around 9 for some reason, but at 7, where I used to be groggy, its as if I was supposed to be up and I don’t even need any stimulants to make me feel more awake as most people seem to require. If I was working, this feeling would be ideal.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my appreciation for the a.m. with you. I wonder if there other night owls who have gone through the same thing… you know a transfer from a night owl to an early bird. Is it part of getting older? Is it part of my constant urge to eat? Is it my subconscious trying to kick my lazy conscience in to gear and get me motivated? Is it just my senses connecting to the part of the day that just seems to glisten with natural beauty? Not sure, but its nearing 9, and I must get in a nap…

owl photo borrowed from www.annapodris.com

SELF-DIAGNOSIS: Vitamin B-12 deficiency + caffeine withdrawal = vegan fun

So I was gonna go out tonight to see a free concert. In fact there were two free shows going on. One was classical music, and the other was world music. Both seemed like decent, free, outdoor events to venture out to during a time when my finances are very tight and my mind is in need of a diversion from reality.

Problem is, that to get to both of these events, requires a great deal of biking… several miles. I normally don’t mind biking, but if you had read my previous post you would know that one of the bikes I am using, broke yesterday after an extremely long and exhausting bike ride that was somewhat rewarding, yet quite disappointing overall. I enjoy biking, but I have been doing so much of it lately, that to do it tonight for recreation, and to take a chance that my other bike would fall out of wack as well, just doesn’t seem to be the proper choice, especially since I am going to need a bike once I locate work. .

so instead of going out, I am gonna stay in and write what is on my mind.

Vitamin b12… that’s right. I have been a vegetarian for over ten years now, but over the last couple of years, I have made several attempts at this vegan thing, and it has failed ALL times. Being a lover of cheese, and being a lover of knowledge, I have found out that many if not most cheese contains some sort of non-vegetarian animal product and the labeling can often be so vague as to cause a confused mind like myself to really question the very essence of something so simple like cheese.

So when I moved to this area for the summer, the first thing I had was a cheese pizza… the next day I decided to try the vegan thing out, and I have had really poor results. Since I bike so much, I burn off more calories, and therefore I assume that I burn off more nutrients as well, especially those stored away from when I ate cheese as much as a squirrel eats nuts. So over the past week, I have become less energetic, my mind has become distraught with anxiety (which is odd because I am a very easy going, everything is gonna be alright kind of guy,) and I have had tingling and numbness in my body.

I began to research this whole thing and all roads lead to a Vitamin b12 deficiency. I have never been a fan of supplements and as a part-time skeptic about reports, I have never really taken the word of these ‘experts’ very seriously. However, all of the symptoms I have resemble those described in the reports; the dizziness, the numbness and tingles, the loss of weight, the feeling tired, and anxiety. All of those symptoms exist, and all of those match what the ‘experts’ call a vitamin b-12 deficiency. All of the symptoms match except the swollen tounge thing and the appetite thing. All of those reports claim that your appetite decrease as a result of a b12 deficiency, but in my case, I am simply hungry ALL OF THE TIME. Now when I say all of the time, I mean nearly ALL OF THE TIME. So then I started to think that maybe perhaps its not the b12 that’s causing these symptoms. MAYBE THESE SO-CALLED ‘EXPERTS’ HAVE IT WRONG?

Today, I bought a carton of organic milk and some fortified cereals to test out their theory. I ate the shit out of them and combined it with ample amounts of fruit and nuts. I felt pretty fulfilled and mentally, I felt better about things (even if it was just a result of being proud of myself for taking the step.) I matched what was recommended for an intake of b12, and several other vitamins. Unfortunately for me, however, the symptoms didn’t just disappear. I was extremely tired afterwards and fought the urge to sleep. Eventually the nap took over my world, and when I awoke 20 minutes later, I felt anxious and nervous again as if nothing had changed.

Yes I know its not just gonna disappear, and yes I am aware that I didn’t really get enough of this b12 to make such a quick change, but it was a discouraging moment. Normally I would just brush it off and say, “well it just takes time, ” but because of these symptoms, it seems more difficult to do this. On top of my vegan participation, I have given up on many other things going into my internals. Namely coffee and caffeinated tea along with any intoxicants that might have occasionally altered my senses. Now this could also be affecting my world and may be causing my virtually non-stop craving for food. That is why I have a new theory about my conditions…

It seems that all signs lead to a b12 deficiency, as much of a skeptic as I am, this many web reports that I have researched can’t be so far off-base, can they? In addition to my b12 symptoms, there seems to be a withdrawal from the lack of caffeine from coffee and tea, and perhaps a withdrawal from the nicotene that resided in my occasional bundle of cigars. On top of that, there may be a small withdrawal from the other sources of things that have stopped going in my world(from when I partied a bit.) It seems to me that my body is trying to compromise for the lack of stimulants by having me eat as much as possible… a scenario I have also read about on the interweb.

So you have the b12 causing tingling and numbness, fatigue, and anxiety. Then you have the combined withdrawals from the lack of stimulants causing me to crave food as a substitute for caffeine and sugar and ‘other’ things. A deficiency and a withdrawal simultaneously is not a comfortable feeling. Add on top of that a desire to work with no results, and a craving to constantly eat with no money, AND YOU HAVE ONE STRANGE SITUATION. This is my self-diagnosis. Its no wonder, that I am here, tonight, writing on this computer instead of biking miles to enjoy a free concert.

SELF DIAGNOSIS: B12 DEFICIENCY, CAFFEINE WITHDRAWAL, AND WITHDRAWALS FROM THOSE GOOD TIMES.

PERSONAL SOLUTION: EAT PROPERLY, ADD MORE FRUIT TO MEALS, DON’T SLEEP RIGHT AFTER EATING.

ALTERNATE/TEMP SOLUTION: TRY TO LAUGH AND WRITE IN A BLOG!!!

HERE IS A list of some websites that have provided me with some of the info that allowed me to self-diagnose what I have. Whereas I am not suggesting that anyone follow the solutions suggested at these sites, I am passing along information that I found interesting. Do with it what you like, I am not a doctor, I am merely a bored blogger who is sharing info that helped me to possibly understand what is going on with my system.

vitamin b12 link 1

vitamin b12 link 2

vitamin b12/vegan link 3

If you read this and have other suggested websites or articles, please let me know. If there are additional comments you’d like to make about my own personal diagnosis or if you want to share a similar situation, please post a comment or email me.

** <side> note– I believe that it is not the vegan diet that has caused my symptoms, but my lack of following the guidelines for becoming vegan. Besides my poor attempts at eating vegan properly, I have not eaten well over the last few months, I was doing outdoor labor in the hot sun for a couple of years, and I bike as transportation. I HAD NO REAL ISSUES WITH BEING A VEGETARIAN UNTIL I GAVE UP CHEESE, STARTED DRINKING COFFEE AND TEA AND SOY MILK more frequently, AND BEGAN TO BIKE MORE THAN EVER. THIS I BLAME FOR MY health PROBLEMS, NOT THE VEGAN EATING.

What keeps us from doing what we want?

If I were to guess, I would say that someone reading this right now has something they want to accomplish, but is waiting to get started for some reason or another.

Perhaps they want to start a business. Or maybe they want to write a film. Or perhaps they want to help the homeless in some way. Whatever it is that they want to do, they haven’t done it yet and I want to know why.

In conversation, I have found that many people are afraid of one of two things in particular: SUCCESS or FAILURE. Now I can understand being afraid of failure as it is the one thing in life that keeps us from perfection. I can understand failure because the sensation of failure creates insecurities that are for some people, very difficult to overcome. And I can also understand failure, especially if you have failed more than once; after a series of failures, one has to question their chances of success.

But what about fear of success. Why would someone possibly be afraid of success? Perhaps it is a fear of being recognized. or maybe its because success means that you are growing up and can no longer be a kid. I have heard another theory, that suggests that fear of success, is due to the notion that people are comfortable in failure because as a person of continued letdowns, one can set his/her goals and standards so low that to aim for something just a little bit higher is much easier than achieving something a lot more difficult to attain.

So what keeps you from success? What halts you from trying? I have heard other key words and suggestions thrown out, so here’s a list of those to ponder on and perhaps comment about:

…success in wealth brings more problems than in a lack financial abundance.

…fame brings on more problems than its worth.

…the jungle of business is so overwhelming that its a challenge to convince oneself to even enter it.

…the world is such a mess right now, that it seems maybe pointless to even try and help it

…you have to go to college to get a real job, and I couldn’t afford nor was I good at education.

These are things I have heard from certain people over time. I myself have to question the true essence of some of these fears and whether or not they are valid reasons to sit on one’s ass and drift into oblivion… conversely, I myself am a person of procrastination and certainly understand the reasoning behind some of these excuses.

What do you think? Are these valid? Are there other reasons? Are there ways to overcome these fears for those who incur them on a daily basis? Can everyone be successful all of the time and can they do everything they dream of doing?

Diversity in music

Perhaps it just me, but doesn’t the world seem to be flooded with new music? And its not just new rock or new rap. Its new styles… new dimensions in sound.

I remember growing up as a young kid in the 80’s listening to pop radio and lumping all of that music into a sort category that I couldn’t label then, but now everyone seems to call, “the 80’s.” But as I go back and listen to some of that stuff now, I realize that there were many sub-genres mixed in there as well. I for one was a fan of what was referred to as “new wave” then and is now getting the label “retro-electro.”

Its kind of cool to look back and see some of the tunes I listened to then and some of the groups I thought were good then, still seem to me, a fan of a whole barrage of different styles, pretty hip. I also find myself listening to some community radio stations and some hipster Dj’s who happen to know quite a bit more about the genre than myself, and I realize more and more that the 80’s gets a bad rep because pop radio was exploiting some cool genres for the benefit of the green, and playing mock versions of the real deal.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a lot of that pop stuff as well, but now its on a different level. With more understanding of music and how it works or how its created, I now respect some of the more alternative artists that were around in the 80’s because of their creativity and their ability to be different than the rest, but at the same time, some of those catchy radio friendly hits still sound cool to me, even if they have some what we now call, “mainstream” elements. Its difficult for me sometimes to hear some of the bands that I enjoyed then, and still enjoy, now being made fun of because of their appearance in videos and because some of their music was heavily played on the radio or only featured in typical 80’s soundtracks. But, hey, maybe my tastes are a bit ‘alternative’.

But today, all styles of music are getting air play in some way. And there are many new styles to choose from. There’s the so-called alternative scene which came about as a genre or a label in the late 80’s and early 90’s which was in many people’s opinions, just a continuation of the less mainstream new wave and post punk generation of the late 70’s and early 80’s. There is now a resurgence of hard metal which was incarnated in the 70’s and became “heavily” listened to in the early to mid-80’s before being overshadowed by “hair-metal”. Then of course there’s this surge of electronic music and its seemingly infinite number of sub-genres that have made their way to a more mainstream audience than its 1st surge in the late 80’s and its peak in the early to mid-90’s as underground dance and electronic music.

Of course electronic music wasn’t brand new in the late 80’s either. A late 60’s and early 70’s genre using new electronic components of the time sort of launched the genre by creating new sounds and recalculating old formulas and old songs in a new way. This style was mostly lumped into a “fad” category for some, but as is noted by the large scale use of electronics in modern music, the term fad seems hardly applicable any longer.

And now there are so many avenues to choose which music you listen to. Up until the 50’s, the types of music you had to choose from was much more limited. There were generally the standards,the big band and jazz the crooners and the r&b and doo-wop. The sixties, with its experimental nature saw a shift in interests from doo-wop to rock’n roll, big band jazz to be-bop and improvisational, crooners became more lounge type singers, and the standards kind of faded as a genre. Later in the 60’s, rock became more psychedelic, the “Motown sound” emerged as a new wave of r&b, and the use of electronic equipment became prevalent in most of those genres and their sub-genres like surf rock, and experimental jazz and abstract. As the 70’s emerged, college and community radio stations got wind of these new categories and began to play them to the audiences that desired them. Here you found rock, jazz, blues, folk, accoustic, electronic, and psychadellic all getting its share of airplay, but on a mainstream level, they weren’t as heavily played. Some of it maid to the mainstream and a lot of the sounds got blended in with the modern sounds, still, however, certain genres weren’t as known to others and this alternative scene of music started to emerge underground, away from your standard airwaves.

Punk, and reggae, were overlooked for disco and easy listening rock music on mainstream radio, for an example. While pop radio diversified in some way and jumped on the growing market of alternative sounds, heavy airplay of the “classic rock,” disco, and light rock sounds, led people to become fans of a specific genre of music, in many cases.

You had your hard rockers, your jazz-heads, your hippies, and of course the disco dancers. Many people became focussed on their one genre and may have chosen to tune out many styles that were being created at that time. This wasn’t a new practice, as it was prevelant in the 60’s with examples like the “greasers” vs. the surfers, or the rockers vs the hippies and such. But now there were so many more styles to choose from that it baffles some people today as to how so much music that has become influential on today’s mixed music culture, was ignored or overlooked by both mainstream radio and music fans alike.

Wheras in the 60’s through the early 90’s your main resource for music was the radio and and your lp’s and cassettes, now you have all of those things plus electronic media to catapult so many “underground” music genres into an accessible form for those folks interested in trying them out. And that’s where I get into this ‘diversity in music’ title. Where you might have had a limited selection to choose from in the 50’s, you now have nearly every selection to choose from.

And with so many options, its no wonder that so many people are into so many different types of music today. They may have their favorites, and they may disreagard some forms, but most people don’t appear to have just one type of music they prefer any longer. And that interest from modern producers and players of music, that knowledge of so many styles, that open source for all types of music, allows newer sub-genres to form, and create an even more diverse music pool that grows deeper everyday. Hip-hop integrated with rock, jazz integrated with techno, pop integrated with metal, country integrated with dance, classical integrated with noise, and music of the world (lazily entitled world music) incorporating electronics. What a scene.

This is the first draft of this discussion and There should be more added to this as time goes on. any comments or suggestions are appreciated. If any info seems incorrect, please let me know, or if you disagree with the analysis of the genres listed, send a comment or an email. Thanks

Just when is the ‘official’ start of the next day?

Tomorrow. What does this word mean? Sure, there’s a definition and an origin, but that’s not what we are here to discuss. What we are looking for here is an answer to the question of when the next day actually begins

Some say midnight, others say 7 a.m. and many say its when you wake up after a sleep, but what truly defines tomorrow.

Let me give you an example of the confusion. Let’s say I have been up till 5 a.m., partying, writing, watching infomercials… whatever it is I have been doing, I am still up at 5 a.m. doing it. Now technically it is after midnight and therefore by definition, it is already the next day ( I mean the time machine inside this computer already has changed the date.) But at midnight, it doesn’t necessarily feel like the next day, unless of course its new year’s eve 1999 and it feels like the next millenia. But the clock reads Jan.1 2000 so technically, it is tomorrow.

But I continue to stay up until 5 a.m. When I awake once again at 11, I begin my routine for the next day and it is therefore at that moment that I can say for myself it is tomorrow. But the dilema worsens when I stay up until 11 and begin my day without ever going to sleep. Now of course by definition, it was already tomorrow at midnight, but using the “it is a new day after you wake up theory,” then tomorrow is still today… but since the date has changed in the computer, then technically this tomorrow is actually still yesterday, right? Do you follow me with this?

Many people would say that the next day begins with a new sunrise, but what if the sun rises around 8:30 somewhere, and you are already well slept, and awake by 6 a.m. For you, the past day is already behind you, and you have begun your next day even before there is light to illuminate your day… but is that tomorrow?

I raise this question, today, as I have gotten into the habbit of defining the next day as 7 a.m. I am not sure how this got started, but I think I can refer to the film GROUNDHOGS DAY starring Bill Murray and Andy McDowell when everyday in Bill Murray’s world, when the clock reached 7 a.m., he would wake up in the same day he just fell asleep on. But the one time he moved forward into the next day, was when he stayed up past that 7 a.m. time.

But today, I awoke just before 6 a.m. and created this blog. Now by my standards that I have grown accustomed to, it hasn’t even become the next day yet… it is still yesterday because its before 7 a.m., but I have already slept and its past the sunrise so last night has come and gone. Man am I confused. Its like PURGATORY FOR TIME.

Perhaps tomorrow, I will have a better understanding of today, or maybe later today, I ill better understand tomorrow. Either way, enjoy your tomorrow today!